''Black, strong with four sugars ... my wife would have something to say to you about that.''
''So .. I need this, it's the only high I will get today .... keeping my sugar levels up you can tell her, unless you brought in something else for me .. did youuu ?''
''How do you feel about this ?''
''What ... keeping my sugar level up.''
''What we talked about yesterday.''
''I don't know ... what did we talk about yesterday ?''
''You know you will have to do it sometime.''
''I know ... and maybe not, but only if I want too and in my own bitter-sweet time ... something like this coffee ... but hey, who's complaining.''
''But now is not the time, is that what you are saying ?''
''No that's not what I am saying, did you hear me say that ... pushie you are dis morning."
''No I wouldn't say that and that's not fair, but I do know you and maybe better than yourself I would feel.''
''Every body's a bloody physiologist ... sure you got out of your own bed this morning ?''
''You know I am a physiologist .. and why are you being so difficult now ... yesterday you wanted to do this.''
''Well then, to play you at your own game Doc .... would you not agree that to the criminal mind honesty seems foolish.''
''Yes, it's true, to the criminal mind honesty does seem foolish .. but you are no fool Bill, you know that and I know it too, what ever other's are saying.''
''Thanks for the complement ... but me talking, that was yesterday and today is today and tomorrow will be a whole new deal but now things are different the way I see it now, and no, I am no man's fool but I would like to think of myself as ... let's say ... it came to me last night and the only thing that did come, ah yea, I remember now ... 'a malformed soul'.''
''Your words may show me your wit but your past actions show ruthless intentions that you carried out to a bitter end. The only thing that is different here is you keep changing your bloody mind when you come to some kind of agreement with yourself ... look Bill.''
''Don't call me Bill.''
''But that's your name.''
''Not today it's not.''
''Don't do this now, hurting yourself, you know your name is Bill ... it was also the names of the other five accounted men you killed.''
''I quote ... 'from a statistical perspective, coincidences are inevitable and often less remarkable than they may appear at first' ... is that not what you said to me in one of our first meetings when it came up, it's also what you said to the judge more or less when sentence was being passed and what's more, you gave the dailies a free run with that.''
''Don't remember, but if it's so and that's what you are saying then can we not call it 'punishment for my concealed sins' ..Ohhhh, I like that ... feel I am on a roll here today Doc .... I need a smoke ... get it.''
''You don't want to remember Bill when it suits you to play dumb, and what's more you allow yourself to forget through choice. I am the one link you have to your thoughts right now and the outside world ... now stop this playing about, you don't exactly have time on your side, do you ?''
''Well then ..'tick-tock' and tell meeee Doc ... is it also not a coincidence that your own name is also Bill ... and do I detect a hint of a treat here ... jumpy this morning, are we Doc ?''
''Yes and no .... look Bill, I want to say this again to you .. spiritual and other mystical teachings push this view that there is absolutely no coincidence in the world ... everything that occurs can be related to a prior cause or association, no matter how vast or how minute and trivial it is but all is affected by something related to it that is seen or unseen .. who's to know, but personally I tend to agree ... and we are both in agreement on that from what I remember because we talked a lot about it, unless you have changed your mind again, have you changed your mind again Bill ?''
''Good for you Doc, 'tick-tock' ... you have been listening hard, have you not to our little 'tell-all-bro-talks' but right now I have got two hours to go ... 'tick-tock' ... before they strap me into that chair and fry me insides to a chip with that injection, but I did the crimes and now, once off, I will do the payback ... real civilized and this time it's my own flesh I will be smelling, cooking up the liquids. You know, loved that movie Doc, 'Dead Man Walking' with Sean Penn ... he was good in that, look like he was really into the part, dreamed about it last night too ... talk about coincidence and now they are sending me off packing to 'Big Bill' in the sky or is he in Hell, no I think he is in Hell because I'm in Hell and here from where I am standing everyone is named Bill, bucking Hellhole ... buckbuckbuck ... Buckkkk ... sorry Doc .... maybe it's me that's jumpy but I know what bed I got out of this morning ... ohhh man's desires are insatiable .. 'tick-tock'. You know Doc .. think about this, that movie, 'Dead Man Walking' .. you are just like the nun in the movie trying to reach out spiritually and help as a guide to my salvation .. and that guy, he was six years on death row. I'm six years on death row. I'm not saying but maybe there is something in that, but you have to admit some things can't be explained.''
''Bill, stop playing around here, it's just a movie, don't be taking it personal but I would like to think I am here as your friend, not just your doctor. It's almost two years now we are talking up front, something that you never did before but I am going to ask you again ... why do you think you kill those five men ?''
''Well Doc the truth be known, it was six .. they missed one ... as I said before I love to smell smoke but I don't mind telling you now seen that time is short on my end and I suppose you deserve that much for being patient with me all this time. I will tell you a well kept secret ... my father's name was Bill and my mother's name was Billie I was named Bill and my sister was named Billie Small, shooooeeee, even my bloody dog's name was Billy Boy, he was a moody son-of-a-bitch, you didn't want to come up on him on the wrong side. Everything around me was named 'Bill' or 'Billy' and somewhere along the way I got a little confused in the sense that when I heard or saw the word 'Bill' it was coming over as if God himself was speaking to me .. killkillkillbill ... that little voice that was always with me when nobody else was. My aunt would say to me ''God is always with you Billy Boy, is that not right, you hear God talking to you, don't lie to me now'' .. well, He was with me when I was doing His work .. I told you before they had 'concealed sins' Doc, those men, now that's 'coincidence' in the working, me and God. Him above instructed, I carried it out to the bitter end. We were partners in riding this earth of evil people until them bucking cops caught up with me. Chased me across a couple of states they did and back, never let up, thought I could shake them off on a turn-a-round but they just wouldn't let go, no sir, caught me up state hiding out in the swamps .. and here I am now talking to my 'little nun' trying to save my sorry-ass and at the same time comforting a convicted killer on death row. Sorry Doc, the rest is history as you know it and now you know more than you did yesterday. You now have my little secret to mull over Doc.''
''The records show you had no family and that it was an aunt that had the hard job of rearing you even though she was fond of having a good time herself and brought you from boy to man before your time.''
''O.K. Doc, we won't dwell on that now if you don't mind you can leave that one out. I suppose I deserve it for playing around with your head ... anyway, you know how I like to watch a fire burn. It makes my stone heart warm just to see those flames dancing and lighting up the sky's above like the 4th of July. I will miss the smell of sulphur. That first strike of the match. You know, I'm going to Hell for real but don't you see the irony of it all ... it will be me and 'Old Bill' keeping the fires burning to welcome all the new 'lifers', what am I saying ... permanent guest's ... which brings to mind, don't know how but, do you think I will meet that Italian guy .. what's his name again, you gave me the book to read .. got it, Dante, he wrote about Hell and those other places so well that I do believe he was there himself. I bet he got the grand tour from 'Bill' to help write his book in exchange for his soul or maybe he was real-close-up with 'Old Bill' that he could pop in at any time of the day or night and take notes. You never know Doc, might even meet up with you there. Any concealed sins Doc ... ?''
Bill stood up to his full six feet two, stretched his club-like hands above his head and stubbed out his roll-up on the ceiling of his holding cell and something else looked out of his eyes.
Smiling he walked to the double plated tinted glass window that will never be opened in any man's remaining time there, and looking down from three floors up he could see the hand painted placards in red ...
KILL ILL BILL ... YOU KNOW THE DRILL BILL ...
YOU TAKE WE BAKE ... EYE FOR AN EYE ...
They were being held high above the angry crowd that was now increasing to a mini battle zone scene that was causing some real concern for the police but would make any film director proud on the first take.
In the late June morning sunlight it was a field-day for the media and Bill's last day to be smelling any kind of smoke, even if it's his own.
''Now there's a coincidence Doc, come over here and see this. I thought I saw my father, mother and sister down there waving up at me, the whole bloody lot ... hey, there's Billy Boy my dog over there standing with my aunt, ... she looks too pleased to see me, I know that grin of her's ... look here Doc, come and see this for yourself ... they do look a bit like on the 'burnt-toast-side'.''
It happened so fast that Doctor Bill Blunt never knew what hit him from behind ... because he never woke up.
''You son-of-a-bitch Doc ... shit, bucking hell, I am sorry, guess I don't mean that last bit, it just came out, the words, forgive me on that one Doc ... I lost it there but you make me bucking nervous and I had to buck you ... see it my way .. sorry Doc .. guess I might after all meet up with 'Old Bill'.''
Bill walked slowly back to his chair in silence but hearing that voice in his head .. ''Look at it this way Billy Boy, no loose end's and no regrets, but, if it's worth doing then it's worth doing well.''
That was enough talking done for one day.
... ... ...
This Narrative has won the 'Q.F.L. Award' for Excellence
This Narrative has won the 'Q.F.L. Award' for Excellence